there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hope mine doesn't look like that
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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