If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
