yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize