idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
