You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
