There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
