meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
