Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Success! We fucked roommates!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
