I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
