It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
