you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
