Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
