i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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