I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
