Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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