My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
