My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
