I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
