I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
