officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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