He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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