Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
