Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
