there's paper in my vomit.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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