I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
