also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
