why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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