just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
