yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
