Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
