Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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