She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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