Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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