I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
