Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Everything about him screamed your future.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
