The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
