After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
