You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Terrible idea I love it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
