I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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