You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
