We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
