I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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