wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
