i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
