it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
