I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
