we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
