Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
