i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
