And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
