Have you finally orgasmed yet?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
