Ambien. No doubt about it.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
