Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
