i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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