Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
