i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
