Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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