Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
