Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You dont lie about slip and slides
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
