The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
id be glad to
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize