he thought i was a dude.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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