I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
