your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
