but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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