I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
