I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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