How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
