dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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