At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she smelled like a LAN party
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize