This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
