i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
