At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
