i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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