Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
