every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
