I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
