Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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