The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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