He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
