the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
