Who wears a wallet chain?!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
