I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize