..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
