This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize