You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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