That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
