you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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