I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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