I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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