I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
