Please, let me fuck your mom
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
