Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
