can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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