Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
