Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
