i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
