Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
