fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
