he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
